dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
