Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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