one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
