Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We just shotgunned beers for America
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
