I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
