If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
