when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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