We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I use my feet as sexual weapons
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
