I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
