hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just found a bag of teeth...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
