my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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