Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
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