I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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