yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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