I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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