sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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