I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
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I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
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Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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