Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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