yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
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and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
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His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
please don't ironically join a cult
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