My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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