he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
