Dual....:-)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
