Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
