I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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