"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
