I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
