He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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