he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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