Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
