drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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