Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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