he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
