smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
tell me about the fingering
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I did not marry a roomba.
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