seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
