i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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