**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
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