Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
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Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
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The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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