I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
