I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i think i have two assholes
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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