A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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