Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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