Already got asked if we're dating
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
