Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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