why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
