i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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