Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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