he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
