dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have already put on my inside pants.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
