dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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