What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
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There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
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Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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