If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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