Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
