he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
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that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
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I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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