I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize