Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
