we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
