Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
