Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
