I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
