I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
