I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
