i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
