Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
