Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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