I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I pour the whiskey from now on
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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