Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
