At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I love you. Go after that dick
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
